Tabula Rasa
by MineralRabbit
Summary: I'm sure I don't belong here. I'm surrounded by humans and pokemon telling me I'm Lulu. I'm sure that's not my name. First of all I don't like it, but I guess I'm stuck on this journey. Maybe I'll get my memories back along the way. xox
1. Where am I?

And so it begins, an attempt at a fanfic. Constructive critisism is welcomed, though often I already know what's wrong but don't know how to fix it. If you look at my fanfic history, you'll see that I am very inexperienced. However, this is no excuse! I shall strive to write and. . . stuff.

Anyways, read, deduce and enjoy the first chapter of my fanfic. xox

Pokemon = not mine.

~*~

"_Yeowch!_" I cried as something sharply pinched my ear. I returned to my senses only to swiftly lose them again as I panicked. Huge hands were holding my body from the floor and when I opened my eyes I could only close them again as the intense light seemed to burn them. What the hell was going on? There were frantic voices and, no matter how much I struggled, those human hands would not release me from their firm grip.

"You let her sleep?!?" I was too frantic at the time to take in what they were saying and continued to try and wiggle from the tight grasp around me.

"I thought it would be good to let her get some rest," a younger, innocent voice explained.

"Not when your pokemon might have a concussion, we'll just have to heal her and hope she hasn't suffered any memory loss," I was transferred to even bigger hands with an even better grip. My efforts were futile; I even tried biting her, only to be punished with a tap on the nose. I attempted to squint my eyes open to get an idea of my surroundings for an escape plan, but the burning brightness of the room seared my eyes, and forced me to clamp them shut again.

I was placed in some kind of box and heard a thick lid close on top of me. I was poised, ready to defend myself against whatever fate this box had in store for me, but, much to my momentary surprise, a wave of pure pleasure ran from my muzzle to my tail and repeated, healing me.

It was psychotically cool and I imagined that this was what it was like to get high. I totally mellowed out from that machine and let my thoughts wander to what had just happened to me. _Concussion?_ I thought dreamily. _Isn't that the one when people get amnesia? How did I get a concussion?_ It was then that it hit me that I couldn't remember how I'd got a concussion. Dread began to slowly seep into my body, despite the trippy machine, and the more I thought about it the further I realised that I couldn't remember anything apart from the last few minutes. I wondered if I could trust either of those humans outside my protective box which was healing me. For all I knew, one of them could have poke-napped me, it could be how I got my injury, they could have stolen me from my real trainer. If I had a trainer. Or any kind of human owner at all. I could have just been caught from the wild. _Is there anyone out there missing me or wondering where I am?_ For some reason I didn't think there was, though I couldn't say why. The hum of the machine got louder and the sensation became more trippy, until I eventually fell asleep.

"Lulu?" the girl asked quietly, stirring me from my forced slumber. _Who the hell is Lulu?_ When I opened my eyes I panicked at the sight of her again. She knelt before the human bed on which I cowered, weeping in less than a second. "Oh, Lulu, you don't remember me? Can you remember me or anything we've been through? I'm such a useless trainer!" I didn't know what to do. I was Lulu? Even then I thought it was a terrible name which didn't suit me. Something stirred inside me, twisting in my gut. I didn't want to see her cry. I crept closer and patted the top of her head twice. From that simple gesture, she looked up at me and wiped her eyes, causing me to scramble to the other side of the bed again. "You're right; I should stop being such a baby." It was then that I decided she was one weird girl. "Maybe my other pokemon will help jog your memory." Everything was happening so fast.

The girl – whose name I still did not know – enlarged two pokeballs and released the pokemon inside with two bursts of white energy. I was ready for a battle, to the death if need be! Neither of them was very big, but one looked like he made up for his size in pure strength and experience, on his head was a huge skull and he held a bone like a weapon in his hand. The other was smaller and flew at me as a pinkish-purple blur, giving me a bone-crushing hug.

I wish I had been nicer to the little guy, but I was so startled I scratched his face and scrambled to get free. I don't think I actually hurt him, just surprised him. It didn't stop him from almost crying though.

"Owwww," he whined. "Lulu, why'd you scratch me?" He sniffled, trying to hold back babyish tears. He seemed so young and almost helpless that my defences wavered. Curses; that sudden twisting in my gut again. I could feel the marowak's eyes watching me from where he stood on the floor.

"Umm," my voice quavered. "Look, umm, sorry, kid, I- uhh, you frightened me when you jumped on me like that." I couldn't think what else to say; _'seems like we were great friends and all, but I don't remember you in the slightest'_? It seemed a bit harsh. That and I thought it best not to upset these two pokemon who could probably beat me in a battle all too easily. I couldn't even remember what attacks I knew.

"Lulu," the hardened voice of the marowak said. "What's wrong?" His stern eyes glared directly into mine. I gulped. For the longest moment I stared back, wide eyed at him.

I answered him simply. "I don't remember you, either of you, or her," I indicated the girl who sat watching us. "I can't even remember my own name," I added quietly.

The two pokemon had completely different reactions at first. The little gligar laughed and said "that's a new one, Lulu!" and hugged me again, but the marowak kept his eyes on me. I saw them widen a little as he saw me awkwardly hugging the gligar back and squirming when he clung to me.

"Falcon," the marowak started. "I think she's telling the truth." The gligar – Falcon – released me and looked as if he was about to cry again.

"You don't remember us?" he whimpered. "Don't you like us?" Oh, come on! Who could be that innocent? I actually felt bad for not knowing him, like I had done it on purpose.

"Uhh, sorry," I mumbled.

"Well," the marowak said with his chin in his paw. "To begin with your name is Lulu."

I'm not stupid, they had called me Lulu several times after all, but that name didn't sit well with me. "It sounds wrong. Don't ask me why, but I'm sure that isn't my name."

"I was there when you hatched; you have always been called Lulu," was the marowak's simple answer. "You were hatched by our trainer, Faye. I am Sonny-"

"Sonny?" Despite his obvious power, his name did not sound very threatening. "She named you Sonny?" The name amused me for some reason.

"My original trainer named me Sonny; it's short for Santino. It meant something to her, but I never quite knew what."

"Original trainer?"

"And that's Falcon." Sonny finished off. "Any questions?" I shook my head slowly and moved and sat on the other end of the bed.

I was thankful that they left me alone.

I was so confused. This was impossible; I couldn't remember any of these pokemon or our apparent trainer. A small part of me didn't want to believe them, that I had so completely and absolutely forgotten these friends of mine. That same part of me told me they were lying, that I actually had a different trainer and different friends, but my mind gave me no alternatives, no memories of another human with whom I travelled and fought for. It wasn't fair that I couldn't remember them. Why didn't this feel right? I had no reason to trust them, but also no reason not to because I had no memories. Every thought I had was filled with doubt and nothing to back them up with. I didn't know what to do.

~*~

Well? xox


	2. What?

Thank you to Charizard Morph for your advice, it made me happy that you took so much time to give me advice about my writing. .:happy face:.

Well, here's the second chapter, all!

~*~

I was the first to wake up the next morning, met with sunlight streaming through the large window. I looked over to the other bed where tufts of brown hair sticking out from under the duvet and the upraised form of a body from the bed were the only clue to my trainer's whereabouts. Falcon was on top of the covers but still nestled in the curve of the human's body and Sonny was on the floor, sitting up with his back against the bed and his bone still in his hand, relaxed muscles belying his strength. I figured he could wake up and be ready for a fight at the drop of a pin.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the same pink-haired nurse from before let herself in, waking up the other three.

"Good morning, little miss," the nurse said in a clipped tone. My trainer only mumbled a reply, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "And how is our patient this morning?" She asked, bending over to look at me. I just looked back, holding back a big loud gulp. "Yes, well," she muttered before turning to my trainer again who now seemed to comprehend a little more of what was going on. "Breakfast will be served soon so you and that other girl had better get cleaned up."

"Other girl?" my trainer asked drowsily, but the nurse had already closed the door behind her as she left.

When we arrived at the small cafeteria, there was in fact another girl. She was taller than my trainer and looked older, her head held an explosion of bright blonde hair and she was talking to the pidgeotto perched on her table. Not that she understood a word the bird pokemon was saying, as the 'conversation' went something like this: "Do you think that girl and her pokemon are okay?"

"_Is that toast? Gimme some!_"

"I know you're worried, too, but that pokemon must really adore its trainer to have defended her against an armed man like that."

"_You know I like toast! Don't butter it!_"

"Incredible, I know."

"_If I could wield a knife I'd spread jam on it myself!_"

"You said it, Pidge."I couldn't help but laugh at them. The yellow-headed girl spotted my trainer and us and waved madly. "Hey! Girl! Sit over here!" It seemed a good idea as the rest of the tables were empty. "I saw how that guy tried to mug you yesterday," she said as we sat down. "I was on the other side of the river – I'd have come and helped but the bridge was up, it was way cool when your pokemon jumped on the guy kicked him in the face!" She turned to me and said "You're such a brave little dude!" before patting my head. I was not amused, however I didn't mind as the table was filled with plates of different foods, including all sorts of pokemon food, my stomach rumbled; I literally couldn't remember the last time I ate.

"Lulu is female actually," my trainer told her. "And she says thank you." No, I didn't. "I'm Faye." She held out her hand over the breakfast-filled table to shake.

"You can call me Dee," Dee responded, shaking hands with her. "Now for some breakfast!" It was to become a normal part of our day, but this first time that she flourished her pokeballs in a grand gesture and threw them into the air releasing the pokemon inside startled us. A butterfree and a pokemon I didn't recognise, which I later found out was a budew. The budew leapt straight onto her trainer's lap chirping "_Dee! Dee! Dee!_" while the butterfree landed on the table next to Pidge.

"Hello, other human, marowak, gligar and little sandshrew," the butterfree said to us. I slowly turned to her and blinked.

"Little- what?" I asked. "I'm a- I'm a sandshrew?" She nodded, confused, and I was struck with a moment of realisation. I was a sandshrew and clearly an idiot for not even wondering what I was earlier, I just knew I wasn't human. I looked at my little claws and rough, brickwork skin with one eye on the side of my head. I hadn't even thought of my species, maybe it seemed like something I should instinctively know, but I hadn't. The shock of it knocked me off my seat and my face met the floor, only to be picked up and cuddled by my human.

"Lulu, are you okay?" She chirped, placing me on her lap with her arms around me. I did not take to this very well. I had no choice but to trust her when she said she was my trainer, but that didn't mean she could cuddle me or trap me in her arms or touch me in any way. She gave a shrill shriek when I scratched her arm and scrambled back to my seat.

"Hey, are you alright?" Dee asked, coming around the table to look at my human's arm. "What's up with Lulu? She was a hero yesterday." Sonny looked furious and placed himself between our human and myself.

"She doesn't remember yesterday," Faye mumbled with tears in her eyes as Dee inspected the arm I scratched. "She hit her head and now she can't remember anything!" She covered her face with her other hand as the tears came on full force and her shoulders shook, working hard to hold her sobs back.

"Come on, I'll take you to the nurse to see if we can get you bandaged up," Dee said as she lead my trainer away. I looked at my claws. There was blood on them. I looked up. All of the other pokemon were glaring at me, even the budew, and I felt physically weighed down by the growing drag of emotions clotting together in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't understand why I suddenly felt so guilty. I couldn't understand my connection with this trainer and it made me so angry that there was something there that I couldn't remember.

"It's not fair, I can't remember!" I growled to the room, clenching my eyes shut against their disappointed looks. "What do you want? What the hell do you want from me?" I gradually shouted at them all. Falcon reached out to touch me and I slapped his claw away. "Just leave me the hell alone!" With this I ran from the cafeteria, blindly running through the pokemon centre until I eventually found myself outside. Only then did I look around, but it didn't help; I couldn't remember where we were. I ran through the town, dodging people's feet until I reached the nearest route from the town surrounded by nature again. There was a huge river and nobody around. My wavering reflection in the clean morning water looked sadly back at me, a sandshrew and nothing more. Then and only then did I lie down, curl up and cry.

~*~

Thus ends the second chapter, poor Lulu, and now she's alone, possibly lost in the wilderness and sad. Pouvre sabelette. xox


	3. Couldn't possibly get worse

**Writer's block, you make me cry. T_T **

It seemed all too soon when I heard someone approaching me. I wiped my eyes and turned to see- someone who wasn't my trainer and was enlarging a pokeball. I froze, surely he wouldn't be able to capture me, I belonged to someone else, it would be stealing, it-

All thought process stopped when this new human unleashed his pokemon; a gigantic blastoise with canons aimed straight at me. It probably saw me as no more than a speck in its way, a ground type speck, a trembling speck who probably wouldn't have fought back even if I'd known my attacks at the time. It leaned down to my eye level, looking me over, and said in a deep, booming voice, "this should be easy." His cocky grin is what finally snapped me back to my senses.

"W- what? Easy?" And, in what may have been the stupidest thing I have ever done, I quickly scratched his nose and jumped away. Needless to say, I probably didn't hurt him, but I did take him completely by surprise which was why, with a yell, he suddenly straightened up with a giant paw over his nose.

"Amazing!" His trainer dropped in. "So feisty, even when it has no chance of winning." Jerk.

"Oh, now you're gonna get it!" The blastoise was polite enough to tell me as he cocked the double barrels at his back. He planted his feet and fired a heavy torrent of water at me and I was fortunate enough to have the senses to move my tail and dodge his constant attack.

It didn't take long for me to become weary, but the blastoise never stopped; he seemed to hold an endless amount of water within him and I had to keep avoiding his attack, but my feet burned from the water everywhere that I had stepped in and his trainer kept egging him on. It seemed hopeless, I couldn't win this fight. But I could run. Ahead was an endless torrential watergun, behind was a river and to my left and right were trees so closely clumped together I'd most likely get stuck between two tree trunks than make a cunning escape.

Apparently I was thinking too much; the blastoise's watergun hit me full force, propelling me into the river. I don't need to tell you that, being a ground type, this hurt. A lot. The pain was immense and my skin felt as if it were on fire. Struggling only seemed to make the pain multiply and I was quickly running out of air and the will to fight the current.

It felt like an eternity had passed and it didn't register with me when a hand grabbed me roughly and hauled me from the water. All I knew was that I wasn't as wet as before and I could breathe again. Land, sweet land.

I lay on the grass for a minute, catching my breath before I opened my eyes. That boy – now with one sleeve of his green jumper soaking and dripping – was sitting watching me with curious eyes through big, round glasses. His blastoise was still there too, but I no longer had the energy to even panic. The boy placed a hand on my head and I flinched.

"Easy, girl, I'm not going to hurt you," he said softly. He brought a pokeball towards me. "I can heal you if-" He was cut off by a bone to the back of the head. It whirled through the air and arced back around to its owner. Sonny was standing by the town entrance, with a look on his face clearly saying "_step away from the sandshrew and I won't have to hurt you again_." His attention quickly shifted to the blastoise as it fired a watergun at him, protecting its trainer. He leapt away, but not before hurling his bone again, which struck the blastoise right between the eyes and it keeled over, stunned from the blow. Sonny caught the bone again and turned to the human boy, glaring.

"Lulu," he snapped. "Come on, we're leaving." I stood, body still aching, and shook some of the water from my skin before walking over to him.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I approached. "Thanks," I added without looking at him.

"Do not thank me," he said curtly. "We went looking for you because Faye was worried, as far as I am concerned you could have stayed out here and maybe learned a valuable lesson." He wouldn't look at me and walked briskly in spite of how tired I was. What lesson could he have been talking about, though? I didn't need to learn anything; if anyone needed to learn a lesson it was our trainer, she had to learn to leave me alone, and Falcon, he could learn to back off, too. I looked back; the boy with the glasses had returned his blastoise and was watching us leave.

**Wow. Short chapter is short. **

**Worry not, the next one shouldn't take this long - writing is once again becoming an awesome method of procrastination, which forces aside those pesky writer's blocks.**

**xox  
**


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